‘Pass me the flibberdegibbet would you?’
‘No, I was in here first.’
‘You’re not even watching anything – you’re flicking channels.’
‘I happen to enjoy flicking channels.’
‘Oh don’t be an asparagus about it; just give me the galloping flibberdegibbet will you – the Eastenders ominous is on and we need to catch up.’ (…..)
‘Alright then, here you go – we’ll watch the galloping Eastenders ominous.’
‘Oh no, it’s finished. If you hadn’t been so galloping asparagus about the flibberdegibbet, we wouldn’t have missed it. Now it’s that galloping hospital drama – all those defenestrations by the surgeons, with the blood everywhere – it makes me quite noxious.’
‘Oh I like it. Just shh will you; you’re being a diffraction.’
‘No, I can’t watch it. Let’s put The Only Way Is Essex on.’
‘God no, they can’t even particulate their sentences properly.’
‘Since when did you get such a formulaic education?’
‘Let’s just turn the telly off and galloping well go to bed.’
If you’re looking for a fun little writing exercise for an English class at the end of term, or, as in our case, Writers’ Group, then this is a good one. It’s also not a bad way to pass the time with family if you’re stuck in a caravan on a rainy day and you’ve left the scrabble at home. We each wrote about ten long words; shared them round and picked as many as we liked to use in a short story to replace other words. We were laughing so much at some of the things people wrote. It works particularly well as euphemisms; replacement swear words and words meaning you’re drunk!
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