This is a genuine post on our local Freecycle forum: “We have a very old kayak to get rid of. I don’t know anything about it except that it has a hole in it but still floats and that it is too small for my 6’3″ son to get into. It appears to be made of plastic. There is no paddle.”
It inspired us at Writers’ Group to write a poem! Here’s mine…
There’s a hole in our kayak
But still appears to float
You’ll need to buy a paddle
If you want it as a boat.
Before you set out in it
you may wish to have a think
and work out how far you’ll get
before the thing begins to sink.
And if you’re quite a tallish chap –
let’s say six foot three,
when you’re sitting in the kayak
you’ll have to bend the knee.
This is quite an awkward stance,
as my son would tell.
The paddle hit his knees so much
he yelled ‘Oh flipping hell,’
and threw the paddle in the river,
it got caught up in a tree;
he tried to reach back out for it
but was swept towards the sea.
There wasn’t much my son could do
but sit and hope for the best
and luckily, close by the bank
the boat came to a rest.
Some kindly bloke came by to help
to pull him in with a handy pole,
but the kayak was stuck upon a rock
and now had a great bit hole.
My son’s had enough of kayaking,
and it really isn’t for me,
so now as you will understand,
we’re giving it away for free.